Tuesday, February 13

A Change of Pace...

It was Feb. 12, 2000. I remember it well, in fact, I will never forget it. Mom left us. She just, up and left... I have always struggled with Valentine's Day, because for me it was just a sad time of year, it was a reminder that mom left...seeing my Dad in tears year after year...it never had that spark to it that most people see... This year though, things are so different for me. My life is changing and I love it. For the first year in seven years, I didn't even remember that mom left. When I looked at the date yesterday, it felt like there was something...but I figured that I just forgot an insignificant birthday or something of the sort...it completely escaped my mind..until Dad mentioned it tonight. After it being brought into conversation, I went upstairs to sit in my room just to think...and I am so excited. For once in my life, I am looking forward. I am looking at what is to come. I am so busy looking at my future that I didn't even think to look at the past. I have been praying..many hours in fact, for many weeks...that God would completely set me free from all the pain that has resided in my heart for years...I've been praying that God would separate me from painful situations and memories. Sunday night Pastor Mike asked me to come up for prayer and God said that I AM SET FREE FROM EVERYTHING!! I am so thankful. I realized tonight that I really have forgiven Mom...it honestly doesn't hurt me anymore. I have let that go, and I'm not taking it back! I am getting ready to graduate, I am getting ready to get married and start a family! And I am free!!!! Praise God!!! I love Ryan. I love that I have something to look forward to now. I love that he is always on my mind, even if I'm not on his...i love him calling me in the morning...its good to wake up to his voice....I praise God that I have an amazing life ahead of me...and that what I have dealt with is my past...and I don't have to carry it around anymore.... This is a change of pace...which I believe will do the heart some good....

1 comment:

Amy said...

Mandy, I just want to tell you that I love you! We talked about you the other night. Tim was just telling us how much you've grown and changed since he first met you. How you've grown into this beautiful woman. I'm so excited for you and Ryan and all that God has planned for you!