Let us go also, so that.....

My heart is so.....burdened as i write this tonight. I wish people (at school in general) could see what im feeling. it is so hard to go into a place daily....looking into the eyes of the same people everyday....listening to the same stories every day......walk away from the same people every day....knowing that the life they are living is leading them to hell. my boyfriend and i have been talking alot about how churches pacify sin. yes...thats what i said....churches pacify it. is that okay?? NO!! the bible says that sin separates us from God. and theres a problem when you have alcoholics sitting in church..and gays....and people who are living in sin (please dont mis-interpert what i am trying to say....no...people shouldnt be turned away at the door because of their lifestyle....but when there are people who have been in church for years...or even months...and they know the way their living is wrong and their not changing it....something isnt right) what i am burdened with is the fact that i know somebody who changes lives. i know somebody who delivers people. i used to be one of the people walking down the hallway of my school. but somebody found me...somebody who cared enough about me to step on my toes...tell me that what i was doing was wrong.....somebody who prayed for me countless hours and nights....somebody who introduced me to Jesus in a way i had never known him *thank you ryan*.....i need to be to other people what ryan was to me. i believe that these are the end of times...i really do. i need to stop worrying about myself. who cares what people think? i keep saying that i want to be remembered when i leave high school. for some reason the worst thing for me would be to be forgotten after we graduate.....but god keeps asking me..."mandy....what do you want them to remember??"...and this is what i want people to remember when they think of me....i want them to remember not that i was a "good girl" but that i stood for something..that i believed in something....that there was a reason i didnt party on weekends or do whatever else....when people look back at my picture in the year book 10 years from now...i want them to remember that i am a christian....plain and simple. i was reading in John tonight and i found a verse that is really awesome!! and it kinda ties in with all this..maybe not but im going to put it here anyways....John 11:16.."Thomas said, "Let us go also, so that we may die with Jesus"...to briefly tell what was going on before thomas (a disciple) said this....a few days before this Jesus had healed the blind man..and the religious rulers didnt like it...so they kicked the man out of the synogouge and wanted to stone Jesus...Jesus left the town...and a few days later Lazurus died..so Jesus had to go back to the town where they were waiting to stone him.....the deciples were all like..."Jesus..you want to go back there? they want to kill you...."....and thomas spoke up and said...."let us go also, so that we may die with Jesus"...he had no idea what would happen...but he was willing to go to the extent of dying to follow Jesus....thats my heart right now.....im going to keep pressing forward...and if it meant dying for my Jesus.....i think that would be okay with me.....